[SV. 17] 25 January 1962

...I have seen the Buddha as Paticcasamuppāda,[1] and I heard the Mūlapariyāya Sutta intoned—but I was tossing about in pains seeing it as sankhārā. I could never have found Nibbāna—with your face veiled. This you must have felt. I began to see the Paññāvimutta Arahat in you before you had attained it[2]—seeing at the same time that there was no āsava in a P. A. ...Everything was evident in our discussion—even the question of upadhi—which was probably the only thing that I had rightly grasped. It will still take me time to relax; I am simply passing from one emotional state into the other[3]—but now, at last, I have found you.

     Do you know that the wind-element obeys you? It is to me the sweetest comfort. This also I knew; it is your most sublime ānāpānasati that surrenders it. You need not write to me (or, of course, as you please).

     I could tell you many more things, but it is not so important.

                                In deepest veneration,[4]



Footnotes to editorial notes:

[17.1] This phrase was underlined by the Ven. Ñānavīra, who wrote in the margin: 'Yo paticcasamuppādam passati so dhammam passati. Yo dhammam passati so mam passati.' (= 'He who sees dependent arising sees the Teaching. He who sees the Teaching sees me'. The first sentence is ascribed to the Buddha by the Ven. Sāriputta at M. 28: i,190-191. The second sentence is spoken by the Buddha at Khandha Samy. 87: iii,120.) [Back]

[17.2] In the margin: Who said? [Back]

[17.3] In the margin: Evidently. [Back]

[17.4] The phrase 'You need not write to me' is underlined by the Ven. Ñānavīra, who wrote, at the end of the letter: 'Letting off steam.' This was the final letter by Sister Vajirā; however, the collection shown to Mr. Samaratunga (and, later, to Mr. Brady ) concludes with a few additional letters reporting on Sister Vajirā. Some extracts:

5-2-62. Dear Bhikkhu. I have to tell you something very sad. Sister Vajira has gone off her head. Please do not answer any of her letters on the dhamma. ...This is a hurried note to inform you as she may write some nonsense to you.

12-2-62. Dear Bhikkhu. ...We went on the 6th & brought Sister to Colombo. She ran away in the night & was walking along the streets, several followed her & with great difficulty put her into a car...and took her to Hospital at 2 a.m. ...Now she is much better after the treatment; there also, twice she had jumped through the window & roamed about, but the nurse & attendants managed to bring her back. Now Sister Vajira says she wants to get into a saree & at times she says she wants to go home....

26-2-62. Dear Bhikkhu. Just a line to inform you that Sister Vajira left for home on the 22nd. She had recovered but not perfectly normal. She was well enough to go by herself, without anyone else to look after her. The Embassy made arrangements for her trip...she gave up her nun's life & became a lay woman. She said she does not want to be a nun again so we made arrangements for her to go much against her wish. Since she gave up robes & not perfectly normal there was no one to support her....

At the end of the collection the Ven. Ñānavīra wrote: 'Exit unwanted ariyasāvikā.' [Back]